Sugar

I liked the movie Sugar [titles of longer works such as feature length films should be underlined or italicized] I think it was a good film and I liked how it really showed how things were back then [Anthony, I like how you start your post offering your opinion of the film; however, your opening statement(s) are in the form of a run-on and ultimately confusing. What do you mean by "back then"? The film takes place during the same time it was released 2008.]. How some people had to work harder then most people just to even be noticed. They worked hard back in their country just to even be noticed in leagues such as the minors [Do you mean to use past tense here? Are there not many people, if Sugar is to be believed, from Central and Latin America and the Caribbean that struggle to make it in the MLB (Major League Baseball) to this day?].
     Some of them had a better chance then others because of their position like sugar he was a pitcher and it's not like there aren't a lot of pitchers in the league but there's definitely more positional players in the league [This is an interesting idea. You clearly have some expertise when it comes to the subject of baseball; I would like to see you exploit your baseball knowledge when you revise this post. You may want to consider examining the references the film makes to real life players such as Robinson Cano, Roberto Clemente, Vic Power et al. What do these players all have in common?]. Having a talented arm and being able to use it to the best of your ability [fragment]. [this sounds like a new idea; consider starting a new paragraph] Some people don't have the brains to go all the way to college or they can't afford it or get a scholarship because of their grades [how did Sugar compare to his friend Brad Johnson? Would their relationship support your ideas here? What was Sugar's educational background/experience?]. Unlike most people Sugar was lucky enough to get a job at that restaurant because he ended up being dropped by one of the teams [Was Sugar actually dropped, or did he dip off before being cut? I believe he lost his regular spot in the rotation and was being moved to a relief spot when he sneaked away to New York. At this point in the film, he in fact becomes an illegal immigrant.]. Most of the people who get dropped by the Triple A or Double A or whatever league the team is they got dropped from they get sent back to where they came from. He was also lucky he knew somebody who was in the United States already instead of some people not knowing how to speak any type of English they know absolutely nobody and no English having to bring a translator with them everywhere. Sugar overall was a very lucky guy.

Anthony,

Once again I am impressed by your knowledge of and love of the game. I think you should really capitalize on your baseball knowledge in this post. Additionally, I think you are making certain assumptions about your reader and your post in its current form suffers as a result. I think you should re-read your post and isolate your main idea(s). Develop your introduction and be sure to include a strong thesis statement that includes baseball and the American Dream. Once you have a clear intro, your body paragraphs should be easier to develop. I look forward to reading your revised post.

MM