SUGAR
In the movie sugar [capitalize titles; longer works such as feature length films also get either underlined or italicized] it plays two [write out numbers ten or less] genres [Nugget, I think if you tease this out with a definition for genre you will have a thesis to build the rest of your post on; I also like how you follow up your statement of fact with your opinion i.e. "I like this...." one is sports and the other one is immigration (Action). I like this movie a lot because it connected with real life [remember how we discussed that Sugar is an example of social realism. It is not a documentary, but it explores social issues, professional sports and immigration, in a believable way].
For example, sugar [here you will capitalize Sugar but not use italics; you may also consider explaining that you are now discussing the main character/protagonist and not the film's title] had a anger problem [does Miguel AKA Sugar always have an anger problem, or is it a result of his "poor performance on the mound"? Other than experimenting with performance enhancing drugs, what evidence is there that Sugar, the character, is having difficulty dealing with stress and anxiety? The water cooler?] and was taking drugs to for fill his performance, he taking these drugs to make him better and a lot of people in this world does that now. People think drugs is the way out and that's not the case especially not for sugar because he was a great baseball player.
The end of the movie he realized that he is better than that and he changed his attitude. in addition to this sugar wanted to follow the american dream he did to a certain extent he was a great player and he didn't need to take any drugs to make him better he could of made him self better naturally by practicing.
Nasher,
What you have here represents a good start. I would like you to revise your post with a primary focus on your conclusion. As it stands, your conclusion consists almost entirely of recall/retell. What I would like to see, is for you to return to your initial idea, "Sugar is a successful work of realistic fiction that crosses the genres of sports and drama (immigration)." Also, be sure to reiterate why or why not you think others should consider watching the film. I look forward to seeing you develop your ideas.
Remember, both Rocky and Man On Wire are available on Netflix.
MM
PS Consider including an image from the film that connects to or represents your ideas about it.
For example, sugar [here you will capitalize Sugar but not use italics; you may also consider explaining that you are now discussing the main character/protagonist and not the film's title] had a anger problem [does Miguel AKA Sugar always have an anger problem, or is it a result of his "poor performance on the mound"? Other than experimenting with performance enhancing drugs, what evidence is there that Sugar, the character, is having difficulty dealing with stress and anxiety? The water cooler?] and was taking drugs to for fill his performance, he taking these drugs to make him better and a lot of people in this world does that now. People think drugs is the way out and that's not the case especially not for sugar because he was a great baseball player.
The end of the movie he realized that he is better than that and he changed his attitude. in addition to this sugar wanted to follow the american dream he did to a certain extent he was a great player and he didn't need to take any drugs to make him better he could of made him self better naturally by practicing.
Nasher,
What you have here represents a good start. I would like you to revise your post with a primary focus on your conclusion. As it stands, your conclusion consists almost entirely of recall/retell. What I would like to see, is for you to return to your initial idea, "Sugar is a successful work of realistic fiction that crosses the genres of sports and drama (immigration)." Also, be sure to reiterate why or why not you think others should consider watching the film. I look forward to seeing you develop your ideas.
Remember, both Rocky and Man On Wire are available on Netflix.
MM
PS Consider including an image from the film that connects to or represents your ideas about it.
Nasher, I have embedded suggestions for revision directly in your post. MM
ReplyDelete